he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
