i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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