Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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