yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
