I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's even glitter on my cock...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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