Just cropdusted the office
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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