she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
