went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
