I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
smell my finger.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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