she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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