I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
