sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
