well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
