Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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