You really coming over, don't trick.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
