I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
