The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
