I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize