Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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