I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
