I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
