So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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