I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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