There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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