Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
