i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
