I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
