I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
