you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
