can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
