I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
