I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
