its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
