i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
