if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
