those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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