i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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