Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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