we have officially lost it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
