I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
