...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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