Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
