I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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