the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
