God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
