I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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