i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
