Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
