You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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