what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
